Scared to Want You
by Satura I.T
Summary: She wasn't sure about him, about the fact he wasn't sure about this himself, and that scared her...Constructive critism welcomed and suggestions encouraged, (Title was changed). DISCONTINUED. Chapters may be revised one day, but probably will not be continued. Sorry:(.
1. I Only Have You

**This is not what I pictured would be my first Fanfic but I guess it is. This was the only story that I had ready and checked, as the others are in progression or need to be brushed up. I wanted to publish my first fanfic on my birthday (March 4th)so here it is. In this story Meredith and Derek broke up not long ago and Alex and Izzie are her roomates so I guess this is based in Season 4. Constructive critism is welcomed and suggestions are in encouraged. Please make me aware of Grammatical, Punctual or Spelling errors Please R&R, Thank You. Title has been changed, Orginally "I Only Have You,".**

**Disclaimer:**

**I am in no way asscotiated, affiliated nor do I own ABC Studios, Grey's Anatomy or any of it's characters.**** This is a fanfic purely for entertainment purposes**

There she sat slumped over in her barstool. Her arm streched in front of her clasping a shot glass ,brimming with tequila. She gulped down the substance, creating an almost instantaneous burning sensation as it made its way down her throat. She placed the glass next to 6 other neatly rowed shot glasses before requesting another.

"Look Grey, I tried to reason with on your sixth shot but an eighth? I don't think thats a good idea," Joe said in another attempt to convince her to go home "I can get someone to take you home and-" He tried once more before being interrupted .

" I didn't ask what you thought Joe just give me another damn shot!" She snapped.

" Whatever Grey," He sighed in defeat as he poured her another shot.

Meredith Grey, one of the many people who'd came from a dark and twisty path, resulting in a dark and twisty self. It had only a few days since she'd been off from Seattle Grace after a nervous breakdown and it only took her a few days to reflect back to her past and realise exactly how messed up her life was. Now here she was wallowing in self pity at Joe's bar, drowning her sorrows with shots of tequila but no matter how much she drank she new she couldn't drink the past away.

The bell rang as door to the bar was pushed open.

"Hey Joe," He greeted as he made his way to a stool.

"Good to see you Kerev, how've you been?" Joe inquired politely.

"Been better," He simply mumbled in reply."Can I get a beer" He said as he made himself comofortable in his seat. As he waited for his beer, he looked around the bar before noticing his colleague and friend on the last bar stool at the far end with her head faced down against the wood and hand holding an empty shot glass."Grey?" He said unsure if it was her or not but after recieving no answer he approched the woman and shook her shoulder "Meredith?".

"What is it?" She said tiredly in a slurred tone as she lifted her head to face him.

"How much have you drank?" He asked observing her obvious druken stupor.

"Why do you care Alex?" She hissed.

He noticed the other seven shot glasses. "Right that's it, we're going home Mere," he concluded before going over to Joe.

"Here's your beer," Joe said, handing Alex the glass.

"You let her have eight shots?" He asked in a choleric prominece supported by a glare

"Hey, I tried to tell her not to have so many," Joe replied, trying to justify himself.

"I'm taking her home ok," He sighed reaching into his pocket and pulling some money out before continuing "For the beer and her tequilas, bye Joe"

He said before chugging down his beer and heading back over to her. "Come on Grey," He said as he lifted her up and carried her to his car outside.

The rain continued to pour however after coming to terms with the fact that in Seattle it was always raining, many people came prepared with an umbrella or a raincoat. Meredith stared out the window from the passengers seat as Alex focused on the road trying to see past the rain. Even if it rained often in Seattle, Merdith knew she'd miss the rain if it where to just stop one her, the sound of rain gave off a sense of serenity and relaxation and when the rain trickled down her face it felt like it was washing away the pain.

The car ride was silent and short as he pulled up to her mother's house. Even if she'd been living here quiet sometime with Izzie and Alex and George before he moved out, she wasn't prepared to call it her own because of it bieng a constant reminding of her far from perfect past.

She stumbled inside as the door clicked open with Alex following closely behind. The house was dark and reasonably quiet ,excluding the sounds from the working pipes, indicating that Izzie would be working late.

"Come on," He said, reaching over for the light switch.

"Hm?"

"I'm taking you to your bed," He said as he held her hand and began to lead her upstairs.

"I'm not tired," She protested pulling her hand away.

"Fine, I'm gonna get some beer and watch TV,"His response to her actions before doing aforementioned.

She plopped down on the couch beside him before moving her head on to his lap and streching her legs out on the couch.

"Why have that many drinks?" He inquired without tearing his eyes from the screen showing highlights of today Seattle Mariners game.

"My crappy life caught up to me," She answered in return.

Upon hearing that he looked down to her with a confused expression.

"My nervous breakdown," Still seeing his confused expression, she elaborated "I'm broken,dark and twisty. I wouldn't be suprised if there's been a bet on how long it would take before I had a breakdown,"

Alex didn't really know what to say, he was still angry that she'd had that many drinks, but after reminding himself that she did have a crappy life he understood. After all his life wasn't all that peachy.

"Your mad at me for drinking 8 shots,"

"I'd have thought you'd be more drunk after drinking eight shots"

"Not the point, why do you care that I had so much?"

A few minutes of silence arose before Alex had said something

"People die from drinking to much, Grey"

"So what! maybe I was tired of the crap life was giving me!. When ever life hands me lemons it ultimately gets squished, that tiny piece of happiness that give me false hope for the future is shattered moments after . I'm tired of that it's not like anyone needs me here ,Kerev. So, So what!" She yelled, standing up from her position on his lap and the couch.

"Shut up!"He barked ,as he too stood up, causing her to fall closedmouthed."You think that people wouldn't miss you, what about your friends huh? Yang?What about me? Your the only person who knows where I come from. You understand me!"He shouted

"A-Alex, I'm-" She started befor he interupted

"You know what just save it,"He began to leave but was stopped by the grip on his arm

"Wait!" She said, turning him to face her. With that the silence grew again as they gazed into each others eyes and before they knew it their lips crashed together.

**If you liked this and want me to continue this as a story, feel free to PM me.**

**Thank you for reading. If you've left a review it is much appreciated.**

**You can slap me...I deserve it for not uploading in...I don't know but that proves I've been gone for a while. I'm not going to give you some Lame excuse as to where I was all I'll say is I was really, very busy and I know that's a lame excuse but it's also true. I had most chapters ready but my laptop decide to delete them (not helping busy me)-_- and I wrote those Chapters last year so...I don't remember how this story goes but I have a vague recollection of it in my mind so I'll get to writing by Friday. I know that's also long but I don't think I have time to do it on the three days proir, (To Do list is full but I have time on Friday, I'll make time on Friday). Yes you can slap me again, I know you want to.**


	2. Did It Mean Something?

Chapter two So this chapters uneventful I suppose:/ . But I do promise that the chapters will get better so just bare with me while I'm in my rut. I have also posted a fluffy MerAlex one-shot, as a 'Please forgive me for being away for to long' post :(. Well I don't wanna waste time rambling so without further a do the long awaited!:D...Disclaimer-_-

** Disclaimer: I am in no way asscotiated, affiliated nor do I own ABC Studios, Grey's Anatomy or any of it's characters. This is a fanfic purely for entertainment purposes. No copyright Intended. As much as I'd love to own Grey's, I own Nothing.**

Now here we go!:D

The rays of the sun shone directly into a sleeping Meredith's face, causing her eyes to flicker open. She blinked twice as she tried to recall last nights events but to no avail she was unable to remember. The infamous headache, that came in tow with intoxication, began to force acknowledgement. She examined the room before recognising it as Alex's and with that she turned her head in horror only to face the sleeping body of Alex Karev. Bolting off the bed in a haste, she made a dash to her room with the sheets following closely behind.

He woke up not too long after. Turning his head, he looked for the body that was meant to be beside him but she wasn't. She was probably scared, she was probably wondering what this meant. He didn't know either, but knew it meant something...for him, for her it could've just been rebound sex after all she and Derek had broken up a few days ago. He continued his contemplation in the shower and on his way to work.

She was avoiding him. He knew she was. It was her method of coping after all but he doesn't mind. It gave him more time to think. He stood at the Nurses station, watching her through a patient's window then looking back down at his patient's chart when they're eyes met.

It was a while before lunch came around, he sat between Cristina and Izzie, who were having a conversation with Meredith and George. At one point he was asked about something he couldn't recall, other than that he paid no contribution to their discussion, his eyes were fixated on the dirty blonde. He hoped that no one had noticed but Cristina had taken note of his frequent glances. She wasn't paying attention to her friends, she made it seem as though she was but he knew wasn't. She was staring at 'McDreamy' and his scrub nurse having lunch together. Meredith had hardly been co operating in her friends discussion, she nodded, answered one question and with the occasional 'Mhmm' everyone thought she'd been listening atleast. She was very engrosed at the sight before her, Derek and the scrub nurse known as Rose, laughing, smiling and hugging. She was so engrossed infact that she hardly noticed Alex looking her way.

"Wha-? Cristina what the hell!" Meredith yells as she's dragged into an on call room.

"Why is Evil spawn looking at you like he's seen you naked?"she asks but Meredith only bit her lips. "Mer you did not did you?...Oh my God you did,"

"I was drunk!" She said defensively "But..."

"He wasn't was he?"

"He had some beer,"

"Mer, he drank what? one beer that doesn't make him drunk. He had sex with you, sober, he wasn't drunk so he likes you and he was making 'Goo goo' eyes at you when we were eating lunch," Cristina tells her

"What? But he's Alex, Mini Mark, y'know, good enough a reason right?"

"Meh," She Shrugs. Just then the shrill sound of her pager fills the air. "911, I got to go," She tells Meredith as she's about to leave "Wait, how was the sex?"

"911 Cristina! Nine... one ...one. Go!" "Fine," ...

He'd gotten off work only 15 minutes ago. After a few moments of fumbling with his keys, he finally managed to open the door. The house was quiet, which was weird, he knew Izzie was on call again but Meredith got off a few minutes before him so she should have been home first. He walked into the kitchen and toward the fridge. Nothing he would want to eat. So instead he took his mind off his hunger, by focusing on the Tv. The door slammed as she walked in holding a pizza box in her hand. "Thought you guys would want some food, Izzie on call?" "Yep,". He answers It's only 40 minutes after when he's already in bed, although sleep refused to come quicker tonight. He felt uncomfortable somehow, he kept shuffling and changing positions to see if it were the problem but no. She stood at the door but in seconds she had dived under his covers.

"What are you doing?"

"Couldn't sleep,"

"I know I said I liked having girls in my bed but this is not what I meant. Maybe O' Malley meant it or maybe the poor kid was misunderstood, point is O'Malley does this not Alex and Alex doesn't want to become a George-,"

"He's probably dating her," She states casually interrupting his little fit.

"Who?" he asks confused.

"Derek's probably dating the scrub nurse he cheated on me with,"

"What?" At that point Alex could feel his blood boil inside. Why would he cheat on her? He trampled on her heart with his hidden wife but he felt as if he had to trample upon it more, was that it?. Oh how much he wanted to punch Derek now.

"Last night..." She started before her voice trailed off.

"Was just...sex," He finishes her sentence.

"...Yeah," She agrees hesitantly

"Uh Goodnight," He said before he rolls over onto his side.

She didn't understand. When she first jumped into his bed he had this whole speech about girls in his bed and what not but he wasn't complaining anymore he'd simply gone to sleep. And so would she in a matter of moments.

**A/N**

** So Season 8 finale you guys in America! Lucky:(. I guess it's either Lexie, Arizona or April who are gonna die:[ (even though April's not on the plane they said some thing would be happening back at the hospital so who knows it might not even be April probably won't be:|) those are the most popular guesses so...I guess I'll go with them too. Personally I don't want Arizona to die:(. If I had to pick one person to die, I'd most likely say Lexie. Don't hate me Lexie fans I just,...I don't know, I never liked her character, don't get offended I don't like April or Derek either:-/. Shocking right? I don't hate them just don't love their characters. Derek probably won't die, three reasons why: 1) Patrick Dempsey signed for two more years 2) Meredith would most likely go crazy:(. We don't want a crazy main character 3) It jeopardises the adoption they worked hard for and Zola's to cute for an orphanage. Guess we'll have to wait and see. I don't mind if I find out before it airs in the UK it doesn't stop me from watching:|...I can't wait!. Anyway expect me to take a little longer for the next chapter or if you're lucky at least three weeks or if I'm lucky I'll get a break from busy:). See you then!:) **

**L****exie, Derek and April fans, no offence was intended. Again I don't hate them I'm just not fond of they're characters so don't hate me:( please?.**


	3. Because He called him a Jackass

**I was telling myself that Lexie would die but before she does, her and Mark would have this moment and he'd possibly profess his love for her too. So when I found out I was right I started dancing (I like being right) then I realised Lexie died so I sat back down:|. Guess I liked Lexie a little:(. I know I said I'd take longer to upload but I guess I made time. **

**As much as I wish I did, I own Nothing, absolutely nothing but the plot:(.**

She blinked. The clock read 8:06. They were supposed to be at the hospital by 7:50. She vigorously shook Alex but only received a moan in return so she tried a different method of waking him up. Hitting him with a pillow.

"What the?," He yells, dropping off the side of the bed.

"We're late! Get your lazy ass up,"

"Not letting you sleep next to me again with that behaviour," He groans

She rolls her eyes,"Who says I'd want to?"

"You obviously liked it the first time," He snickers

"Shut up, we need to get going,"

"Grey, Karev, Your late!" Yelled Bailey, noticing the two as they walked in through the front doors. "You see in this hospital you must arrive exactly when you are told to arrive, not a minute before not a minute after. Do you two think your special? Do you think your better then anyone here. No because your all just as incompetent as each other. However, I'm no longer you resident and neither are you my interns so...Just try not to kill anyone," she finished.

"Thanks for being supportive, I'll take your advice to heart ma'am," Alex in his sarcastic tone, before walking past her with Meredith following.

They met up with Izzie, Cristina and George who were changing in the locker room.

"Thanks for waking us, Barbie," Alex said sarcastically, as he changed into his scrubs

"I'm sorry, you and Meredith seemed pretty content the way you were," She glares

The day had mostly been a bore for Alex, two hours of sutures and now he was sat at the nurses station completing charts before Derek had walked up to him.

"Alex," He greeted.

"We're not friends, just co-workers so don't call me Alex,"

He sighs, "Dr Kerev, have you seen Meredith?"

"I guess asking Yang and Stevens failed but no Dr Shepard, I haven't seen Meredith though I do know she does not want to see you," Alex replies coldy.

"Whatever," Derek began to walk off.

"So leave her alone,"

"What?" He says, as he turns on his heel.

"I said leave her alone, because frankly she doesn't need to hear any of the crap your going to try and feed her. She's damaged, dark and twisty but she deserve better than a Jackass like you to come and mess up her life more ," Alex says harshly without looking up from his charts, but when he does look up he's met with a fist and a throbbing cheek.

"Alex! What the hell happened?" Izzie shrieks

"Nothing," He says defensively

"Yeah right! The stitches on your face say something different,"

"He's a Jackass-"

"Exactly what you said before he punched you," She interrupts

"If you know what happened why the hell are you asking!" He growled

"Okay, Jeez you don't need to be an ass about it," He glared at her.

"I was just wondering...why'd you call him a jackass anyway?,"

He simply scowled at her, obviously wanting to drop the topic.

"Fine, there's probably a nurse here who knows the full story," She smirked before heading off.

"Mer," He shouted after her

"It's Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd," She said continuing to walk.

"Mer,"

"It's Dr. Grey!" She yelled turning around to face him, "Now could you please leave me alone!".

"...So basically I've been holding retractors for past three weeks, been acting like her god damned secretary and I still don't get to perform an actual surgery," Alex whined

"You can keep complaining but I don't really care I had a double valve replacement this morning and I was amazing, so I'm happy spawn, don't kill my happy with your bitching," Cristina boasted "It already died a bit when you sat down,"

"So much better then being stuck with the most annoying patient in the world," George joined the complaint fest, setting his tray down beside Cristina.

"Look on the bright side in two weeks we'll have are own interns to torture, they can take care of annoying patients and get you coffee," Cristina reminded them, shoving a chip into her mouth

"Ahh torturing interns, that's the great thing about being a resident," Alex smirked

"Hey Dude, what's up with the stitches?" George asked just noticing the cut.

"Didn't you hear?, Derek punched him," Izzie jumped into the conversation upon hearing the new topic, seating herself between George and Alex.

"Don't take this the wrong way and think I care evil spawn but why'd he punch you?"

"Who punched who?" Meredith inquired as she sat next to Cristina.

"Alex got punched by-" Izzie was stopped short by Alex hand covering her mouth

"Derek," Cristina took the liberty to finish the sentence

"Crack whore," He glared, removing his hand from Izzie's face

"What, Why?,"

"Because, he called him a Jackass and told him you deserved be-" Yet again Izzie was stopped by the hand over her mouth

Things just got awkward. They sat there in silence for a while. However, the awkward silence was broken when Alex stood up.

"Well, I'm done here," He said before leaving

"Awkward," Izzie sang

"Got that right," George agreed

Izzie and Meredith were off at around Seven so they both went home. Meredith found her self hung over the toilet, emptying her stomach.

"Woah! What's up with you?" Izzie asked as she walks in on her friend

"I don't know, long day, Derek stress, bad food," She guessed not quiet knowing what was wrong with herself "Oh well, I'm going to the supermarket, want anything?"

"Uh no not rea-," Broken off by the last remaining contents of her stomach evacuating her stomach.

"Geez Mer, are you sure your ok?" Her friend asked worriedly.

"Yeah, guess it was something I ate," She hoped.

It's 1am and she's still emptying her stomach, which she'd thought would have been empty by now. She leaned her head against the bath.

"Mer it's one in the morning, would you stop Puking already," Izzie said groggily, meaning Meredith must have woke her.

"It's not like I can do anything about it,"

"Fine, what's wrong with you?" She sighs sitting on the ledge of the bath.

"I don't know," She replies, shutting her eyes.

She scoffs, "And your a surgeon? Come on I'm taking you to the hospital,". She stops,"Wait, are you having break up sex with McDreamy because you could be pregnant,"

"No Izzie trust me, I'm not," She hisses

"Sheesh no need to get all angry, let's go,"

**It would scream unoriginal If I made her Pregnant wouldn't it. Guess we'll see If I do or don't. May take longer to make the next chapter, may not. I'll also be posting a One-Shot possibly and I've started writing another fanfic but I'm already stuck so If I do post look out for it. 'Til then!:) Can't wait for Season 9.**


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